I recently read one of the most encouraging, powerful, and yet, self-evident, books. The Power of the Other
by Dr. Henry Cloud is the great reminder that our culture has, yet again, misguided us. Especially here in the United States, we value independence. We celebrate people who appear to succeed on their own. We aren’t, however, told the entire story.
What you know instinctively, though, is that your best and worst seasons in life weren’t entirely about the market or your skills. Your best and worst seasons were also about who was with you. For better or worse, your friends and family were playing a large part in the results of those seasons and whom you were becoming. I know that my greatest accomplishments and challenges overcome have been, and will be, in close relationship with others.
In his book, Dr. Cloud identifies four approaches, or corners, to connection. In order for you to truly succeed in life, we need to intentionally avoid the first three corners and seek out the fourth corner. His four corners are:
- Disconnected, No Connection – I see this corner often in men who say, “I can pull myself up by my bootstraps. I’ve got this!” Or, you might be new to a town or job. Instead of seeking true connection, you maintain your independence, further isolating yourself.
- The Bad Connection – Because we are all made for connection, you might find yourself connected to a person who makes you feel inferior, guilty, or something is wrong with you.
- The Pseudo-Good Connection – Where Corner Two connections leave you feeling bad, Corner Three connections make you feel good. That can’t be a bad thing, can it? You just might find yourself surrounded by people who only tell you what you want to hear. Remember The Emperor’s New Clothes?
- True Connection – This is the corner where you want the best for others, and others want the best for you. As Dr. Cloud puts it, Corner Four connections, much like a Navy SEAL parachuting into hostile territory, ask themselves and seek the answers to three questions:
- Where am I?
- Where is the enemy?
- Where is my buddy?
You can recognize these Corners in just about every aspect of life. And, I believe we will do ourselves and our loved ones well to seek out and cultivate true connection with a handful of people…people who will help us arrive at a better destination.
Question: How has a healthy relationship helped you achieve greatness or overcome a challenge?
“We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” – Walt Disney
Six weeks ago, the world lost one of the most amazing men to ever live. In case you haven’t heard, my grandfather, Jacob Paulk, went to his Heavenly home on February 24, 2017. Our family has obviously missed him dearly. And, the farm has experienced quite a transition, also. Papa Jacob left large shoes to fill, and I am humbled to carry on part of his legacy. I wrote about his influence in my life and our business in last month’s newsletter. Please check it out here
One thing I’ve concluded that Papa Jacob did better than anything else was taking care of business. Personally, he took care of himself, his health, his relationship with God, and his relationships with friends and family with great intention. Professionally, he took care of his business every day with great focus on the smallest details and the broadest vision.
I’ve concluded that my mission in life is to take care of all God has entrusted to me…much like Papa Jacob took care of all God entrusted to him. I encourage you to also take care of all that has been entrusted to your care: your time, your health, your job, your family, your friendships.
Question: What are the most important things you take care of?
Last month, Jorjanne and I went to the Catalyst Conference
. Attending this event with our closest friends has become an annual tradition. If you aren’t familiar with the Catalyst Conference
, check out their content and the people who speak. They are extremely genuine, wise, and inspiring.
Getting away a couple of times per year is a strategic part of our marriage. And, getting away together is a strategic focus of my closest friendships. I’ve learned that getting away together with Jorjanne and my closest friends regularly for a conference or special event provides at least 5 benefits:
- Taking a regular trip provides cherished memories that last a lifetime.
- These trips also allow us to grow in the same direction through the content we each experience at a conference. This common growth also provides new conversations and vocabulary that we use to continually benefit each other within our group.
- We can later share this information with our other friends, family, and team members to help them also grow in this same direction.
- By leaving home for the getaway, we are able view our everyday lives with a new perspective that we wouldn’t have recognized by staying home.
- Our friends, spouse, and other family can help us solve problems we may not have been able to solve while in the forest of daily life at home.
So, the next time you are invited to a conference GO! Or, if you’ve passed up the opportunity to attend a conference, take the lead next time and invite a few close friends to join you.
Your future healthier family will be glad you did.
Question…What conference has had the greatest impact on your personal, relational, or professional growth?
This morning I actually got up early to work out…okay, my dog was barking (I think he’s scared of the dark) and woke me up 10 minutes before my alarm, so I got up. In any case, I just read the most refreshing and reassuring passage of scripture.
“…but I will not take my love from him, nor will I ever betray my faithfulness.” Psalm 89:33
This passage of scripture was included in a short devotion by Bob Goff. If you don’t know Bob, read his book, Love Does. Bob must be one of the most joyful, passionate, and whimsical people on the planet. In his devotion, he talks about how God loves us even through our failures. Fortunately, God doesn’t want us to keep score of our screw ups versus successes. He calls us to think differently. Bob closes the devotion with a powerful thought… “I’ve realized that I used to be afraid of failing at the things that really mattered to me, but now I’m more afraid of succeeding at things that don’t matter.”
As you think about your various projects, responsibilities, and relationships, are you striving to succeed at things that don’t really matter?
If I want a healthy family, I must strive to succeed at things that matter. Engaging conversations with Jorjanne and the boys matter. Staying current on my Facebook feed…not so much. Consistently encouraging my boys matters. Eating dinner at home matters. Staying busy at work or another meeting late into another evening…not so much. Get the idea?
If you’d like to read the entire devotion, check it out here.
Next Tuesday MPC hosts Life Lessons Over Lunch
. We host lunch on the 2nd and 4th Tuesday of each month and invite the entire farm family. Usually, anywhere from 10-30 people eat together, and we watch a video message by North Point Community Church. The messages are very helpful. In fact, we just completed my favorite North Point Series of all time, Destinations
: Direction, not intentions determines destination. But, just as helpful as the messages, is the opportunity for me to pour the drinks and our entire farm family eat together. We don’t all work in the same physical locations, so everyone doesn’t always spend time together throughout the work week. While it is only an hour, Life Lessons Over Lunch allows us to grow together as a group of people who all have hopes and dreams and fears; and what better place to grow than around a table together with food!
Eating together as a family is very important. Many times during the year, Jorjanne, the boys, and I end up eating at a ballgame or between practices. But, I cherish the evenings when we eat at home. The boys finish their homework, we play a little, and then we eat dinner together, with no agenda other than enjoying each others’ company.
Every family needs to eat together. If possible, eat at home. And, eat together regularly. Dinner provides such a wonderful opportunity to serve each other, listen to each other distraction free, and grow together.
Bottom line…dinner as a family makes for a healthy family.
Question: What is your favorite dinner?
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my company and our purpose. I have a mission statement. But, frankly, I’m not crazy about it. I don’t consider myself a wordsmith. In fact, I’ve never written anything and thought, “That’s it! Chris, you nailed it!” Jorjanne writes things regularly that amaze me. But, I don’t consider myself that person. If it wouldn’t defeat the purpose of this being my blog, I wish she could write my blog posts…I would definitely write more often, and you would enjoy reading more. Anyway…
My company is in the business of adding value to the crops we grow and are grown around us. We make all kinds of juices and powders from the muscadines that are grown on our vineyard that add value to our customers’ lives. I love this idea of adding value.
I define adding value as “the act of improving or adding worth.”
This definition extends beyond just the products we make. In fact, my leadership style is born from this definition. One of my goals as the leader of my company is that each person considers himself or herself better for having worked with me.
As Jorjanne’s husband and my boys’ dad, I also aim to add value to their lives.
So, as you interact with your family and friends this week, ask yourself, “How can I add value to his or her life?”
I think everyone will enjoy the resulting product.
I mentioned in my last post that I’m going to write more about “Ideas for Healthy Families”. Before I go much further, though, I want to clarify what I mean by “Healthy Families”.
Is family that collective group of people who share the same household? Or, is it a group of people who are related by blood? Family can be both. But, for my purposes, family also includes those friends, and even coworkers, whom we call on when we need a hand to help or ear to listen. I’ve found that we can build family by intentionally investing in the friendships and relationships around us. My goal is to share ideas for growing both your blood and adopted family relationships.
In the context of family, I define “healthy” as the condition where each person is better for spending time with the other, and they look forward to the next time to visit. I’ve found that the healthiest relationships I have are the ones where each person builds the other up, extends grace, listens when needed, and helps when needed.
Lastly, achieving and maintaining health in any area of life requires consistent, intentional effort. You build financial health by consistently and intentionally spending less than you make. You improve your physical health by consistently and intentionally exercising and eating healthy foods. You get the idea.
This week, help make those around you better for spending time with you. And, if you wish your family was larger, or if you need a close friend, go brighten up a friend’s day. We each need a healthy family.
I haven’t blogged in a while…a LONG while. I was recently inspired (thanks MichaelHyatt and AdamSuter) to start blogging again, so I thought I would make a few thematic changes to my blog. I’ve tried to write about leadership, family, and muscadines. But, I tend to struggle with writing original content when it comes to leadership. Muscadines are awesome and my world, but they aren’t necessarily your world. But, one thing I am passionate about and can share stories about are ideas for healthy families. I love my family. We are far from perfect, but we desire to become healthier. And, I want to help you have a healthy(er) family, too.
Coincidently, today is Jorjanne’s and my wedding anniversary. Over the past 15 years, God has blessed us with a very large and close extended family. Most of our family members are blood relatives, but we also have a few members who are adopted. These are friends who are as close as brothers and sisters. We didn’t draw up any documents to formalize the process, but you get the picture.
Family is very important. We weren’t created to go through life alone. So, if you have close family, do something to brighten their day. If you don’t have close family, please build your family by picking a friend and doing something to brighten their day.